Dressing for No-one

 

Vulnerability. This (not so) little word has been cropping up a lot of late and for some reason the notion behind it has really resonated with me. Being a self-confessed control freak probably means I am the least ‘vulnerable’ person in the world in the sense that I won’t allow myself to be. But, y’see, over the past year it’s begun to dawn on me that perhaps my lack of vulnerability isn’t doing me any good. In fact, I’d probably go as far to say it’s doing me actual harm. I keep joking with my Husband that ‘I’ve lost the ability to relax’, which would be funny if weren’t so true. Of course, there are things in my life I can’t help but fret about (my Dad’s illness is never far from my mind) but that still doesn’t account for my anxiety levels being continually through the roof. Up until recently I’d never considered myself to be an ‘anxious’ person but perhaps I just don’t know myself as well as I previously thought. Being permanently glued to the internet certainly doesn’t help matters although I have taken measures to combat this, such as not browsing the web before bedtime (yup, my New Year’s resolution is still going strong!) and also having designated internet-free days … we both did it last Saturday and it was bliss.

 

Okay, so at least I’m recognising things are not quite what they should be, and again, I keep coming back to this ‘vulnerability’ thing. How can I make myself more vulnerable? What does it entail? I know a lot of what is holding me back is the fear or failure or rejection – I am both a people pleaser and a perfectionist so this is particularly hard for me. Much like the rest of the world I also compare myself to others from time to time but with a seemingly endless bevy of beautiful, talented and witty females floating about this is basically a highway to no-where. So why do we do it? I have my own abilities and unique way of doing things … it may not be the best way but it works for me – and thankfully, a few other people seem to like it too. I’m generally happy with my appearance and have accepted my face and form for what they are although that doesn’t mean I won’t still have a ‘I hate my thighs’ tantrum from time to time. It’s only natural. Like most women I only see the bad bits when I look at images of myself, which is why you’ve not seen many outfit posts on here of late – I just couldn’t face editing photos of myself in various ridiculous poses.

 

However, in the interests of fully instigating this vulnerability melarkey I thought it only too apt to begin by opening myself up a little more on here. No, the shots are not in some fun location (baby steps) but I felt more comfortable easing myself back in, in my own back yard and the outfit is hardly noteworthy either, but again, this is all about offering up the truth and not some styled-to-the-max version of my very quiet Cornish life. Without a doubt my style has changed significantly since moving here – and if I’m being honest with myself, it’s definitely for the better. It’s a more laid back look these days with still the odd pop of colour and print but generally speaking I take my inspiration from places like Toast (I want everything), OSKA (my fav place to browse in St.Ives), Egg (one day I will visit this store!) and Margaret Howell (her ad campaigns are the epitome of cool, casual) than I do looking at trendy fashion blogs or their magazine counterparts. I simply can’t relate to it any more.

 

 

Paired down with a smidge of personality is the way forward for me, and I’m not even a little bit sad about it. It’s actually a relief not worrying about these things although that doesn’t mean I still don’t get excited by clothes – I’m currently obsessed with a denim pinafore I bought recently online and cannot wait to wear it. My eye is drawn to cleaner lines and dramatic shapes, as well as natural fabrics such a organic cottons and linens… ugh, and don’t even get me started on denim. This mustard cardi was a highstreet bargain I picked up on a recent trip to London. I would never normally shop at Forever 21 but it was only place open on Bond Street at the time and I was surprised (understatement) at how nice the range was … not super trendy with loads of nice basics. Who knew? And even though there’s a big part of me that hates to feed the fast fashion machine I couldn’t resist making a purchase – not a great excuse but my meagre budget will only stretch so far and with a price-tag of £6.99 I hadn’t the strength to walk away. It’s immediately become a staple in my wardrobe and I wear it almost everyday – like seriously, every-day.

 

The jeans you’ve seen before and the blouse was a secondhand find from when I worked in Kentish Town. Oh, and the shoes are an ASOS special that have come in very handy indeed. I’m a total mid-heel girl and these give me enough height without crippling me – I love their patent retro vibe too. Comfort is key here and whilst I might switch up the items, my core ensemble of late is resolutely jeans, tops, cardi, go. I may throw a scarf on my head but that’s about as adventuress it gets these days. So, I’ve clearly mastered the casual attire bit, now to work on that over-active mind of mine. Vulnerability, here I ruddy-well come.

 

what i’m wearing…
jeans/topshop
blouse/charity shop
necklace & cardigan/forever 21
shoes/asos

 



7 responses to “Dressing for No-one”

  1. Theresa says:

    Hiya! Your topic (vulnerability) and mention of your sick parent (I too am dealing with something similar) hit pretty close to home today. I totally empathize. Also–that outfit is great and I always love your pops of color (although I’m such a Neutral Nancy).

    🙂

    • peasoupeats says:

      Hey Theresa, so sorry to hear you’re going through a similarly stressful time … I don’t know about you but the helplessness I feel is almost the worst part – you just wish you could make it all better but you can’t.

      … ha, and yes, for some reason I always gravitate towards colour – even when the rest of my outfit is ultra plain. Old habits die hard, I guess.

      Sending love and positive thoughts your way xxx

  2. Thank you for sharing your feelings so openly here on the blog. Like most women I constantly fall into the trap of comparisons as well. But – like you – I am working on that one. Thanks again. Am really enjoying your blog…:)

    • peasoupeats says:

      You’re so welcome Kimberly – I think it’s good for us to be honest about these things because, as females, we all suffer the same pressures. It’s so hard not to compare but I’m definitely working on letting go a bit and focusing on all the positives. Although, let’s just say being ‘vulnerable’ does not come naturally to me, hehe.

  3. Jane says:

    hey there

    Wow your post is so timely – your thoughts and feelings are resonating with me, too. Thanks for sharing. Sending lots of lovely vibes of strength your way & saving a few for myself ;o) Jx

    • peasoupeats says:

      I’m so pleased the post resonated with you Jane – I read so many blogs these days that present this perfect slice of life, it can sometimes totally depress me. Life is messy and complicated and us women are often way too hard on ourselves. Anyway, sending lots of good vibes right back ‘atcha! xxx

  4. Kate Brewin says:

    Hi there
    I’ve just bought your book and am looking forward to getting stuck into some cooking! Your recipes look so accessible and delicious, I’m really looking forward to trying them out. I’m not a vegan, but like you, am horrified by reading about animal welfare.
    I also love your blog – so unlike so many of the ‘consumerist’ blogs out at the moment!
    Kate

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